real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
