the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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