Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
