Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize