Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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