I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize