Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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