im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
