Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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