My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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