i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
