a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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