he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
