Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Randomize
