he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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