Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
