oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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