the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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