dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
