He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize