No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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