you didnt know i had herpes?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I forget how to act sober
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
