All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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