last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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