I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
