i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
