You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I have already put on my inside pants.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
