If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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