How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
