So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
