I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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