My balls are so social today.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
