Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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