Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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