i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I just gargled with NyQuil
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
