oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize