You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Dear god my vagina.
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