windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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