I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
