its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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