I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
you didnt know i had herpes?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
