some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
