how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
