he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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