Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
