I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize