Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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