Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
