I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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