I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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