is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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