The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
