I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize