weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
