i love accidental penises.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
