a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
