I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize