I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
