like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
