I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
