oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Randomize
