I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
