I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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