I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Is this like a preordered booty call?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
