i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
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